Not our typical #sleeptalkadventures

The Major (2 years old) woke up crying this morning. Like really hard “I had a bad dream” crying. From what I gather, he dreamt that he had a balloon, but when he woke up he didn’t have one.

And that was sad for him…

T: Okay. Before we go any further I need to tell you that I really don’t know anything about this problem you’re having. But I’m gonna do my best and we’ll figure this thing out.

M: (reaches out to hold his hand) It’s ok. You can figure it out tomorrow

T: Don’t touch me! I’m completely serious. Don’t even touch me right now. I need to figure this out and I can’t when you’re trying to touch me.

M: Ok honey, but really, you need to go to sleep now.

T: I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to that dude behind you with the green thing.

M: There isn’t a dude behind me with a green thing.

T: Well there was.

M: (tries to cover him back up with the sheet)

T: What did I just tell you? Don’t even try to touch me right now.

M: Ok, but go to sleep.

T: Sorry. I just don’t like the touching right now.

It was a busy night last night. 3 distinct episodes. 3 in one night is super rare. (We just celebrated 4 years of marriage. #Best4YearsOfMyLife. These happened on our wedding anniversary)

#1

T: “May I have it? May-may I have it, please? *At this point he begins forcibly shoving his pillow at me.* Please! Please! May I have it? May I have-have it, please.”

Me: yes, you may. Here you go. (While trying to stifle laughter and give his pillow back.)

T: “May i– please. Wait. What are you doing? What are you giving me? I don’t want anything… What? What? What? …. What did I do?”

I told him. It took me telling him 4 times, in detail, before he believed me. (I’ve also realized that he stutters quite a bit when he sleep talks.)

#2

I just laughed with this one. I didn’t even try to figure out what was going on. (Tyler was pointing at me, and occasionally pushing pillows at me to keep me away.)

T: “No no no no no. Just you stay away from me with your disgustingness. You can just – No no no no no. You’re gross and I don’t want it. Point that somewhere else. It’s going to explode and get your grossness all over the place. No no no. It’s gross and disgusting and stinky, slimy, sticky… Eeeww. Get it away. Yeah just walk away from our executive board room of awesomeness. That puss filled, oozing, grossness. It’s gonna explode.

What are you laughing at? He was there with his gross invention. He just brought it into the office. Stop trying to make me explain my dreams. I’m asleep. And you’re gross.”

#HappyAnniversaryToUs #ApparentlyImGross

#3

T: He did it.
M: Who did it?
T: I’m just so proud of him. He pulled himself to a stand in my knee. He’s so good at it.
M: The Gator?
T: Yeah. He’s just awesome. … The Gator’s asleep in his bed by the way. You should go to sleep too. You need it.

#DadLife #HeLovesHisBoys #HesAGreatDad #SoProud

Tyler sits up around 2am and grabs my knee: “Ok, Guys? Can we please stop having conferences all the time? They’re stupid and pointless. You don’t solve anything and just… You’re welcome to stay here and all that, but just don’t wreck anything and shoot Hobbes and stuff. Deal? Now get out.”

#DontShootMyDog

3am, Tyler palms my head like a basketball.
M: what are you doing?
T: Just… Just… Just… Ok?
M: stop it and go back to sleep.
T: no. Just wait a second and tell me. (He then grabs a lock of my hair and starts rolling it between his fingers). What is this? Is it black -white? Blue-black? Blue-blue? White-blue?

That was it, he rolled over and went back to sleep. So weird.

Usually when I’m awakened in the middle of the night I am nice and polite. I understand that Tyler isn’t aware, and needs some understanding to sort it out. Last night was not like that.

The boys have really intense colds, making the whole breathing thing difficult. We’ve moved The Gator back into our room in the rock n play so we can keep his head elevated. It’s been a rough week.

1:30am, I’ve been asleep maybe an hour or so. Tyler sits up and turns the light on.

T: You need to go and sit with The Major.
M: No I don’t.
T: Yes I was reading a thing, if he’s having trouble breathing you need to watch him to make sure he keeps breathing.

(At this point in my sleep addled state I basically think he’s calling me a bad mom because I’m sleeping and not watching The Major’s breathing)

M: No. The Major is fine. You need sleep. Turn off your light now.
T: *keeps talking about something regarding The Major and breathing*

M: *using a Batman voice in my head, I don’t think it came out this way* Turn off your light now and stop talking to me.

(20 minutes later, The Gator starts to fuss, so I start nursing him. Tyler is still tossing and turning and asks if The Gator’s ok. I look at The Major on the video monitor, he’s completely uncovered and curled in a ball, trying to keep warm.)

M: The Major’s uncovered. Will you go cover him please?
T: Yup. I got him. *Tyler snuggles down and pulls the blanket tighter around himself*
M: I don’t believe you.
T: No, I’ll do it. Just a minute.
M: *cue audible Batman voice* Do it now!

Tyler comes back in after tucking The Major back in.
M: Sorry if that was rude.
T: Not at all. I probably wasn’t really gonna do it.

This one was all him, I didn’t say a word or bust out laughing.

Tyler points at the ceiling fan and snaps twice, then starts whispering “Where’s D_______? Where’s D_______?” (D_______ is his brother) “Oh, yup. There he goes right up over there.” (Pointing up at the headboard). “They’re going up right over there. Look out, one of them is coming up next to your head there. Yup. It’s a little hippo. See the little hippos right there. He’s coming for you. Wait. Megan. Do you see it? No. You don’t… There were hippos. Someone had put a little plastic hippo in there. And they were dancing… Like a gif. With little plastic… Dancing hippos… I’m not awake yet…. But I want to tell you about it.”

T: No, no, no, no. Help! Help! Help! I need your help! Help!

M: *rolls over to help him* What’s up Tyler?

T: Nooo! You can’t put your arm there! Don’t put it there! You’re-you’re-you’re-you’re-you’re squishing them!

M: Squishing what?

T: Sweetie, I need you to sit STRAIGHT up RIGHT NOW. The milkshakes are all squished, just everywhere. Your arm… and… Squish…

M: What milkshakes?

T: I just brought in the milk-milk-milkshakes. I put the cups down… Somewhere…

M: We don’t have any milkshakes.

T: Yes we… Well then what were the cups? I had cups. I brought them in. You squished… There were squishy cups… and I put them… I swear there were cups…

And another little gem.

T: what’s your favorite board game?
M: you talking to me?
T: yeah, I’m talking to you.
M (not sure what to say): the blue one?
T: the blue one? Really? … Well, I guess I’m gonna get out of bed and get garbed up now.
M: it’s not time yet, it’s only 4am.
T (lies back down): well that’s disappointing.

In other news getting “garbed up” might be the new way we refer to getting dressed at our house.

Early night tonight.

T: But wait, is this for tonight?
M: Is what for tonight?
T: The fire.
M: There is no fire.
T: Ok. I didn’t think so. Now everybody’s jumping. Yaaaay.